My Life As A White Girl In The Ghetto

A Change

2009-06-10T05:08:32Z

Ive decided that i can never delete this account. Recollections from ninth grade on are never to be deleted into cyber space. They are too fucking pathetically funny. So I have decided to make a change. Not like anyone reads this anyways but I hope they will after the change. This will now be funny stories of my life while living in the ghetto of downtown charleston south carolina. Note: I am one out of 3 white girls that roam my street. So when i say ghetto, i mean it. I am officially the minority and my funny stories need to be read by my stoner friends. They need to know. Especially the ones from Mass. (my roommates are going to make fun of me forever for this.)

So here it goes:

I have yet to move in, I've been subletting my room to a friend for the summer until August 1st. But I convenientally work about 4 blocks from the house downtown so I'm there on a daily basis. Just about 2 weeks ago Wyatt Billy and I were sitting on our front porch very baked smoking a cig. The local crackheads (and when i say crackheads i mean legit crack addicts) chill on the stoop next to my house and are seen from my porch. The cops roll by routinely and make sure everything is in check. The cops roll by and poor out a mans beer and tell him to move on. The cop rolls out and the man attempts to start walking away. He fails horribley and is clutching onto the side of my house trying to steady himself. One step backwards and he falls like a tree onto his back onto my gravel driveway. The locals are yellin at him "man get up. you lookin like a fool" and he's screaming something along the lines of (and translated): leave me alone. fuck the police. i will piss on them if they come near me again. I ran from that cop (now you fell backwards from that cop). At this moment he whips out his dick. (first black dick ive seen) and begins to piss to the side of him while smoking a cigarette. At this point we're all sitting there laughing so hard and we have the brilliant idea to call the cops. The redneck southern pride cop arrived and attempted to get the man to stand up but it was a fail. So he cuffed the crackhead and drags him by his cuffs across my gravel driveway. Picked the man up by his torso and throws it in the car. The other half of his body was then thrown over his head like he was a pretzel. The cop then nodded at us and drove off. Note: the mans genitals were out the entire time.

I love the ghetto.

smile

2008-12-30T03:53:33Z

what do you do when you realize everything is not how it seems? your planned our strategies and plots were just building blocks for what life really had in store for you. and to imagine life is not done with you. you may be bleeding, broken ribs, and spitting out teeth, but life finds ways to extract some more emotion out of you. and you smile. you laugh. and you officially know your insane. but then again, are you insane, or is everyone around you? today sanity has no definition or boundaries, no rules no regulations. normal doesn't exist and the picture is never clear. your camera will never fully be in focus because to you it's crystal clear, but to the person without their glasses on, it's fog. who calls the shots? who takes them? we do as one.

Nothing Has Changed

2008-12-21T20:03:03Z

I really am in deisbelief that i still have this. i've had this once since January 2005, my god. I just got on this to see what i used to listen to for music to see if i could surprise myself. no surprise. since 2005 it's been local bands, spoon, black eyes, ani defranco, the same music as always. I'm so boring.

i finished my first semester of college at cofc and i fucking love it. i thought it was lame im a local and my sister went there (gradiated yesterday) but it's occured to me my local status is balllllllllllin. i got glk across the street and one block up, my best friend sleeping in a bed across the room, and i've met the coolest kids ever since i got here. plus being local ive set up a few roles for a people which makes me feel good but sometimes i worry my new friends will go ask around charleston as to who i am and find out some shit they dont want to hear. whateverr that's a risk i'm willing to take.

i dont like dropping names on here because it creeps me out but for documentational purposes i will. I finally have a group at college of kids int eh dorm and we throw down hard, it's fun. it's me, jason, wyatt, harry, knox, grey, courtney, tony, amanda, cristen, melissa, samantha blah blah blah im closest with jason wyatt and harry but harry just left us to go home to philly and never come back most likely. it blows he was like a little brother. jason's like a fatherly figure to me. wyatt i liked for a bit but now i apreciate his friendship more. knox grey and tony are needy little boys that i love taking care of and my 518 bitches id die without. token and lindsey live in lodge and hang a lot.

allie and i arent very good friends anymore, college has made us go off in different paths. but i still love her more than anyone in my life becauwe we're married.

my family is still a mess and im still treatec like im 13. see all entries to read citings of th is, it'll blow your mind how nothing in my life has changed. our latest fight was over drunk drivign and me not getting into a car with my dad. DUMB. what parents dont want a 19 year old daughter who wont get ina caar with someone who has been drinking? fo realz.

words/phrases to remember:
wild, who do you think you are? do i know you? dubious, that's what's up.

bowlofveggies @ 2008-10-03T22:35:00

2008-10-04T02:40:56Z

i have bronchitis for the 17th time in my life. seriously?
i deicded to go home for the weekend, even though i call this home when really i go to college here too.
im ready for a change already. i've met some amazing kids though. they say you rearely stay friends with the frst people you meet in college, but i believe ive met some poeple ill know for a long time. just being the art of smoking weed brings people together, we're bonding over a common interest/hobby.

ever since i even knew what a hormone was, i've been making boys close friends and becoming one of the boys instead of ever making them love interests. and when i think about them like that all of a sudden it's the friend zone and im once again shit out of luck and an idiot.

speaking of boys my x just called wanting to hang out. he obviously forgot within 24 hours that i had bronchitis. men. mandy moore movies and chick flicks always get me thinking about love and all that bullshit. i think How To Deal was a great movie. mandy moore played the part of a fucking anarchist when it came to love and all of a sudden got into a car crash and found out what love was. i think she had amnesia. whatevz.

i almost want a boyfriend. but that could be the mandy moore speaking

rest in peace gabe

2008-08-11T21:11:06Z

baby boyyyyyyyyyy. we'll all miss you.

no more

2008-08-04T01:59:48Z

soundtrack to my past few days: (the good and the bad)

chris brown-forever
jason mraz-i'm yours
girl talk-here's the thing
i would set myself on fire for you-song 11
old crow medicine show-caroline
death cab for cutie-ice is getting thinner
against me!-those anarcho punks are mysterious
jesse mcartney-leavin
dj khaled-out here grindin
electric president-insomnia
girl talk-play your part (pt 1)
girl talk-shut the club down
the rapture-no sex for ben

it's embarassing.
BUT SAMMI SHULMAN LISTENS TO INDIE! FUCKIN FINALLY! KILL POP. (just not my jesse mcartney)

quote me something to justify

2008-07-31T22:08:16Z

"this is my right to choice, my obligation to question"

last night it was alex and maddison's bday. they through a badass white trash party. of course goodwill was our choice for clothing and accessories. really, we all looked so good. mullets and all. i stayed at alex's, he finally furnished his apartment, complete with white tiger sheets and a matching rug hahaha. i love it. it felt good to just lay in bed and talk for an hour about real stuff. it mighta been a drunken ramble, but it proved to me i really can pick friends. he's become a brother.

im sick. it sucks.

oh hi

2008-07-28T03:47:33Z

today is the start of shark week 2008! to kcik it off i kicked some beers and some xanax and some drunk dials to my beloved x boyfriend from 2005, harley cox.

i hope to delete this in the morning, but i will forget or laugh and decide its too memoroialble to lose. i was 15. you were 14 or 15. we fell in 'love'. i moved away 1000 miles. 4 years later, i still think about. i dont even know you anymore and i believe it never eneded. one day i will return to mass to go oto your wedding andi will stand up and be like I OBJECT!. and then leave. im druank. this shit needs to end. peace out. watch shark week. and mayhbe walker mates wil call me to shark week it up in nc this week or after.

throws some d's on that bitch

ps i wantd to but your my best friend. it just cant

birds

2008-07-25T16:42:05Z

i was outside on my porch and i was listening around me, because i had just woken up and i wanted air (12:15pm) (i had a late night which means late mornings) and i heard these two birds. They had these same two calls but one had like one less 'sylabol' than the other and they kept returning eachothers calls. one kept flying further away as the other one called until there was just one call from one bird panicked that the other wasn't responding. the other bird never came back and the lonely one shut up. then i noticed all the trapped dragonflies and lizards and butterflys in my screen-in porch and i lost my appetite for a cigarette. so i'm eating a banana.

this is not important

2008-07-24T02:39:09Z

i need to be half intoxicated to adress myself on a webpage. it's just necessary. nic and i had a brilliant idea for me to come back up to mass and basically get some closure or reconcillation (spelling and meaning?). i burned a lot of bridges or just didnt finish building them, or i just never burned them and i should have gone and nipped it in the abilical chord (these friendships didnt have fingernails) im half insane for ever thinking about the idea of this trip. but i just love gauging away at scars, cuts, scabs, ect ect. i swear my past life in mass is a personal self mutilation to my brain. but i need to do this. i need to say some things. i have a million questions and i want a million answers. and i hope you have the same expectations. first this idea needs to get cleared by the poeple i never got amancipated from (silly me). this is a necesity. sometimes you just need to do something, you have a calling. and this has been calling for almost 4 years. (maybe or im dilusional and self obcessed)

today i gave remi his mug i made for him, one of my infamous leaf mugs i made like 3 at boarding school. rare art. he loved it, im happy. we got stoned, saved a lizard from a spider web, bought insense, talked about meditation, music, and buddhist beliefs. he quit smoking cigs. i started smoking because of him. do i quit now? its so easy to get addicted to having an addiction. its just so trendy. i left my inense (i got fo free because the owner of the store was down with free gifts and love children. im only down for rfree gifts) in remi's car. then tnight my mom and my neighbor and her sister in law and i went to a nice dinner, ate too much, complained, argued about confederate flags and how those wando kids got 8-10 years in jail. then we got home, my mom started to talk about my past skin proiblems to chandras sister in law (dermatologist go figure) and then i started drinking. then pouring everyone else's drinks. we gossiped, talked about antropologie (the store), and then i retired to here to trade music with niels.

i cleanred my closet out today and i found old pictures, love notes, love stories, books, philosophies, and tons of dead bugs, empty beer cans, and empty beer cans with holes poked in them wiht black resin on top of them. seriously, kayla? i have picturesd to black mail yall with.

if i lived in china, i'd have some chinese children.

look down upon me jesus

2008-07-23T04:51:42Z

ive decided to reattach myself to this life of drug cocktail entries. i really find them amusing now looking back on them from 2005. i marked serious turning points in my life and re-reading them from a whole different point of view as a person is just mind blowing. i need to keep doing this solely becauwe when i get arrested for some crazy shit, i really can claim insanity and print every single one of these entries from 2005-on. proof of purchase bitch.

im having th is wierd epiphany that when i was 15, i was cool as shit. it was looked down upon to be an 'indie kid' or a 'punk kid' or just a fuckin plain music kid. and we all came together without even so much as a yoddle cry and became friends. like a fuckin posse of neglected youth. it was beatuiful. and then the O.C. came out and TRL sold it's soul to the devil (fuck you cancun spring break), and myspace music started featuring music no one besides this neglected youth had heard of. and then shit hit the fan. it became cool. like seriously? since when were v-neck shirts, skinny jeans, and bright colored shoes cool? since when was riding bikes tranformed into an american aparel buy one get one free hobbie? since when was not eating meat respectable?!?! since wh en was the mind set "id rather go to this show than prom" cool? i have no idea but someone needs to fill me in. because at one point it was cool in my book to be different, independant, and an individual brain. now there isa smoke screen between the real and the fake and i really cant tell the difference anymore when everyone is smoking marlboro reds!

to regain my sense of individuality and just a plain identity to set me and my actual brain apart, do i need to all of a sudden change? because i feel like im grouped into a class of poeple with big sunglasses, bright colors, and every dress known to urban outfitters, and no brains. SINCE WHEN WAS KNOWING ABOUT THE FRENCH GAY POETS VERLAINE AND RIMBAUD NOT NERDY?

lately ive been findinng myself in deep stoned conversations with people and it freaks them out. i think. seriously, 2012?!? 11 year sun spot cycles at it's all time high, a projected amount of sun spots that sent europe into it's mini ice age. remi read me the first like 30 pagees of this book called Be Here Now by ram dass. at first it was just a mess and you were like WHAT IS THIS MAN TLAKING ABOUT and then 5 minutes later you know exactly what this man is talking about while experiencing a euphoric enlightenment during an acid test. i cant wait to read the rest of it.

im consufed. im on drugs. welcome to my life. oh and fuck boarding school. all it did to me was rob me of a self of home or culture. im a nomad. and then send me into a rehab withdrawl like phase every 2.5 months and force me into my prudeness from middle school.

bowlofveggies @ 2008-07-01T18:26:00

2008-07-01T22:31:10Z

in honor of getting on this thing in forever, i read through some 2005 stuff when i moved to sc. boy is this shit funny.

feb 2005

"...So I slept around this weekend. hehe
Acually I just slept at different houses practiclly
Eveynight and kept it PG. Thursday night I slept at Gina's
And went to my ortho baked
It was a first but whatever
Then we watched Bubble Boy.
It was pimp : )"

i always tell that story how i went to my ortho stoned and it was teh worst experiecne of my life and no one belives me. theres proof. seirously, dont do it.

april 2005
"I need to lay off the alcohol though, I will admit that sadly. Yeah."

seriously, kayla?

may 2005

"Don't update while Crunk.
Lifes Little Lessons With Kayla Johnson

1. Never EVER drink on an empty stomache.
2. Holding back tears only hurts you more.
3. Emo is not good. Indie is where it's at.
4. Friends are forever.
5. Love is only a 4 letter word.
6. The world IS infact against you.
7. Livejournal and MySpace will be the death of every teenager.
8. Time flies whether your having fun or not.
9. Jealousy sucks balls.
10. People who kiss your forehead mean more to you than you think."

i was a smart little girl.

and then there were like 500 posts about beiong in love with harley cox, beautiful right? which is funny becaue it was 2005 and we're still talking about our love affair.

i was a dumb litle girl.

holy shit once again

2008-07-01T19:31:34Z

i cant belive i still have this acount. i cant belive fucking sammi writes on hers everyday still. get a life sammi, i love you.<3

im just blown away that this is still here. ineed to go back and read through my disgruntled high school and middle school years and laugh at myself. its about time.

ive been to 3 different high schools and by the age of 18 i can say ice backpacked acreoss the us mexican border for 2.5 months while studyting immigration issues, lived in spain for 2.5 months, ice climbing new hampshire, backpacking texas, rock climbing arizona, dog sledding in maine for a week, kayaking in baja, being a tree huggggger. well shit. im still a veghead. its been almost 7 years. i hate relationships. allie and i are best friends and we've ogtten married to the lovely sounds of jimmy buffet while hammered on a dock in the middle of the IOP intercoastal. it was special hahahaha.im going to college of charleston. so call me if your coming to charleston too. itd be cool. like 8-10 poeple have died in my life in about a year. casia just got married 2 days ago! ummm

when i was in middle school i used to dread waiting 24 hours until i could write in this one more time. i felt like 2 posts a day was over doing it. funny how things change. i no longer have a bunch of lame drama to write about, because im just so over it and used to it and its the daily norm.

i duno i feel like an idiot for re writing in this. i need to go read my old entires. hey sammi!

oh shit

2007-11-15T02:46:37Z

this thing still exists? well shit haha.

i went to spain for 2.5 months and it kicked ass.

that is all.

AH!

2007-08-15T04:13:28Z

im so stressed out. i have so much to do before i leave for spain.
i gotta start my essays
finish my applications
finish 2 books
3 packets
go shopping for spain
pack for spain
say goodbye to my friends that are leaving for college
glenna is coming into town
i have work everyday and they need me to work while shes here
buy a camera
celebrate my bday
convert my money
pick up my laptop at school
therapy once a week
SAT math tutor twice a week

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
im jsut ready to cry and get the fuck otu of here

work

2007-07-15T02:19:46Z

work is fun minus:

Kayla: hey robert can i have your crust on that pizza?
Robert: yah why dont you want a whole piece?
Kayla: i dont eat meat.
Ryan: SHES A LESBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

so its been going around work that im a full out dyke. i thought everyone knew i was a joke but i guess not because today a newer kid came in and we were having a conversation and randomly he dropped something like "that makes sense sicne you're a lesbian" and i was like say what? howd you hear about that? and he was like...i just thought you were. you are, right?

according to him because i wear white converses to work i look like a lesbian.
i acted offended but im not sure yet if i really am.

gah.

2007-06-30T02:21:49Z

damnnnnn. being home is badass too.
the other night we all went to tillyes and it was a shit show. i didnt go to bed till past 4am.
work is sick too. i dont mind going but i work a double the 4th of july, ugh.
there are no waves. its dead as hell. but tommorow we get 4 ft swells which compared to the oners weve been getting is exciting.
i got to see alex mason the other day. i hung out with his sister and him for a few hours and shot the shit.
basically they were trying to get me to have an intervention about one of my stupid ideas.
i went to the doctors today on rush because im having huge chest pains and i was coninvced i was going ot have a heart attack.
turns out i just have inflamed tissue between my chest wall and rib cage and its hurting bad.
they hooked me up to that mcahine and they put thoes stickies on you with wires
it was so badass haha. but it wasnt so badass when the graph showed me having an extra heat beat. yah. uuhhhh

mykin comes back from austria tommorow after 5 fucking months. i cant wait to see her. shes letting me drive her brand new infiniti to the airport to pick her up. that car is gunna be so much funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

oh hey?

2007-06-24T22:25:45Z

wow. so basically livejournal is dead to me. i remember writing in this like 2 times a day and being self conscious if people noticed i was addicted to this. oh how things change.

being back home in sc is weird. boarding school didnt change me, but leaving home again changed me.
just like when i left massachusetts, nothign will ever be the same.
ive been gone from sc for only 4 months and already im questioning my friends and what i stand for.
so much has changed over 4 months and i can never make up that time again.
im choosing to just accept the fact im prone to moving and changing at least once every 2 years.

my third highschool.
high school is bad enough, imagine going to 3 different ones.
3 times the new kid
3 times the struggle
3 times the anxiety
college will be an experience.

i was always 100% about going to colelge in Mass and marrying Harley but those words came out of a 9th graders mouth.
now entering my senior year and look back on those words and laugh at my stupidity. who would have thought i would have ended up in NH at boarding school wishing for college in the south? i didnt. im not even applying to 1 school in the north. only virginia, NC and Florida and SC. i dont even want to be a psychologist anymore. i never had wanted to be something as bad as i wanted to be a psychologist. i dont even believe in psychology anymore. i was convinced for years i had depression and anxiety which led to insomnia and hard drugs and now im sitting in my pajamas sober and addicted to cigarettes realizing it's a bunch of bullshit. the day my best friend remi said to me" it's all in your head" is the day i changed. i realized i didnt have problems. my problems were stress that build up from a stressful household i live in always pressured to live up to obnoxcious standards. ive finally realized i dont give a fuck and now im more stable than ever. im the most nonchalant person i know. the only time i tense is when im at home.
getting out of the house and to boarding school with the worst and best decision of my life. i wasnt stressed for 4 months. i hvent ever felt that before. i didnt smoke, i didnt drink, i didnt toke. i didnt feel the need to. there were no parties and no stress besides stupid shcool work which didnt kick my ass at all. coming home and living under the rules of 2 gestapo leaders is too hard for me. i only have 2 moer months of here and then off to spain for my fall term and i wont be back in sc at home until next summer. i refuse to step foot in this house again once i go to college. of course i will, but anthing over 8 hours will kill me.

ive been healthier than ever at school and just now back at home ive hit unhealthy bottoms but i guess whatever. it's kinda fun haha. my friends are putting up a fight with me here because i left and came back against drunk driving. ok? cool? i dont see how you can be mad at someone for not condoning drunk driving. thats like the opposite equivalent to buying heroine for a 4th grader and helping them shoot up. no fucking assholes, im not going to get into your car if you're drunk. i dont feel like dying today, maybe toimmorow but not today. im going places. i have dreams. i have goals and i have the ability. get your head out of the fucking sand and wake the fuck up and realize we're all on the list. you're no better than me or the kid who dies.
dgjasdhgksjghg

ps you're fucking lame if you snort adderol. get some cocaine you noob.

drink tea and coffee

2007-03-13T02:45:59Z

what do i love?

the fuckin white stripes.
fuckin ween.
jm's fuckin music.
mother fuckin janis joplin.
and last but not fuckin last, mac dre.

IM SO PUMPED TO GO TO MASCO FRIDAY KSDHGKSJDGH

its been forever

2007-03-09T19:37:21Z

well mountain classroom was sick. i sea kayaked n baja mexico for 10 days. i rock climbed in arizona for 4 days. i backpacked texas. i backpaced new mexico. i lived with illegal immigrants for a week. i studied in mexico. i had class on beaches. my life was packed into one cubby and backpack. i played with whales and sea lions. i slept with coyotes and ate with birds. 2 fuckin months in a tent everynight. 180 meals cooked over bunson burners. i was so fucking dirty. 6 showers in 2 months. ive never had so much fun and ive never seen such beautifuls things. 18 states and 2 countries in 2 months. bichez.

goddamn

2006-12-31T17:04:54Z

mountain was fun at the cabin minus the fact we all got the flu and i was puking for 5 days. then i went to the dominican republic and threw up for only one day and have the symptoms for salmonella food.water poisoning for the past 5 days. i leave the 2nd so i cannot go to a doctor so im mostly fucked because i cant kick this sickness whatever it is in my body. im generally pissed off lately because people just being stupid. i have 0 tolerance for people begging to be bitched at. as i said to sammie today, people set themselves up and im just that person who is willing and able to call you out on it. ive been out of school for so long i dont wanna go back. plus my teachers gave me terrible fucking reports for my 3 weeks at the cabin and im pissed. they think i show no effort. im sorry i cannot reflect perfectly the way you want to a 3 minute jack johnson song. mother fucker. 'welcome to prep school'. if i hear that once more ill kill someone. i know what hardwork is. just because im a public school kid my entire life doesnt mean im undereducated. fuck you.

so much angst in me and i dont like it. vacation is supposed to be relaxing but it came down to my sister snoring so loud i had to steal my moms sleeping pills that made me see double just so i could sleep while sick.

well shit.

2006-12-19T22:37:09Z

story-today i was at nicks with his mom and the phone rang. she picked it up and it was her friend she was late to meet because she couldnt find her car keys. So on the phone she's saying how the closer she gets to Jesus, the harder Satan is working in her house. At first I'm like...this is why I'm not religious.
revelation-maybe i'm the modern day Satan. ever since Nick met me things have gone down hill and i've crawled my way into his home life and becoming so close with him and his mom and what if i'm just tearing them down? then it would make sense as to why i corrupt people into always doing the wrong thing and making bad choices. but you would never acuse me of being the devil. i mean on the surfice i look innocent but get to know me and it's like..well shit.
solution-never say goodbye and go to boarding school? check. encourage nick to move to his dads. not a check.

still alive

2006-12-12T21:59:01Z

all post when i get home with pics n stuff.
]
but for now, this is how to keep track of my life for the next 3 months.

http://www.proctoracademy.org/classroom/Default.asp?bhcp=1

peace

2006-11-25T10:09:08Z

i am in massachusetts saturday and sunday for the most part. come monday eric and his family with my aunt and i will be treking me up to Andover NH to meet with the group and start my 2.5 weeks in the white mountains. be back december 15!!!! i think ill have my cell so call me? wish me luck too!

!!!

2006-11-23T17:59:00Z

everyone say 'Hi Luna!" she's my new baby. not even a day old. Last night Remi and I baptized her.